i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize