Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
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