So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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