If that was your dad, he is hot
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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