Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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