Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
