1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
