She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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