I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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