I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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