he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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