I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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