It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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