one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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