and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
