are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
