Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
