i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
