Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
