I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
