So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
