Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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