What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
