The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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