Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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