Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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