I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize