Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
