whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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