areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
