god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
