That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I can tuck mytits in my pants
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
