'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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