when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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