Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize