It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
