In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
