Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize