Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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