you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize