judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
