I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
