I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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