Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
