You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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