She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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