Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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