nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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