it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
