you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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