fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize