all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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