It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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