I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
