Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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