Swine flu. Run for my life!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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