You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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