i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
