Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
