morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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