The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
