nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
